Why I Became a Relationship Coach

Marriage isn’t always easy

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for over 11 years (together for 20) and the one thing I can safely say is that sometimes, marriage is really hard. Like really hard but what I have realized is that at every dark turn there is a lesson to be learned. Often times I have to remind myself of a quote I once heard, “remember the lesson, forget the mistake”. I can confidently say that as a perfectionist, who likes to crumble my mistakes, toss them in the trash and start over, I’ve had to really humble myself and learn to make art out of my messy situation.

Marriage is full of flaws and once you embrace the flaws, take responsibility and lean into your self worth, the darkness you’re in will soon help you realize that you had to go through it just to see how bright you shine. Afterall shining stars can’t be seen in pure daylight.

what lead me to become a coach

Let’s first go back to my beautiful wedding day when I walked down the aisle to meet my groom in a Catholic Church full of love and surrounded by our family and friends. The thoughts on my mind were: “thank God the wedding planning is all over” and “our happily ever after is finally here”. I was in love and very naive. Little did I know that the real planning I should have been doing was planning my marriage.

I wish I would have been planning ways to be a lifelong learner so that I can better understand what marriage is and what it requires. Learning skills and tools that would help me become a better person and a better wife. In hindsight, I would have done my research, found some tools and worked on practicing the skills that make a better marriage.

Which is exactly where I am today, 11 years later, that’s what I’m doing. Mastering the tools that have saved my marriage from divorce and eager to share the tools with you so that you too can find growth and love. By educating yourself, you’re choosing to shine light on your marriage and water it daily so that it grows despite the weather it will endure. Life is hard but you are tough and I know that if I can do it, you can too.

While it is not an honor (and truly embarrassing) to physically type this out, it is also what has brought me to become so passionate about marriage. Unfortunately my marriage has seen it all. Had someone told me on my wedding day that my marriage would experience: betrayal, poor communication, lack of empathy, misunderstanding, emotional distance, resentment, affair recovery, manipulation, jealousy, lack of trust, financial stress, death of a family, addiction recovery, PTSD, lack of boundaries… I would have laughed and said, you’re a hater. Well, through all of my marriage struggles, I have discovered some of the most amazing tools and instead of letting you go through marriage without those tools, let me mention some of the tools I’ve come across as I fought VERY hard for my marriage.

I first came across a book called “First Kill All the Marriage Counselors” by Laura Doyle in 2016, (I know funny title) which taught me to focus on myself and stop pointing the finger at my spouse. I then came across a wonderful Instagram account called Marriage 365 in 2017. This resource has since pointed me to so many other amazing tools and their app is amazing as it dives deep into marriage and ALL the things you need to know! Which leads me into why I became a coach.

In 2024, my health dwindled from the stress of an addiction that my husband and I were tackling. I had a mental break down, experienced pain and suffering and endured a separation but unfortunately became frail and weak just like my marriage. I lost every ounce of hope and by the end of 2024, divorce came up again for the second time in our marriage. We were holding on by a thread and even worse, I couldn’t show up as the bubbly and fun Maria I once was. I just kept thinking about the type of example I was setting for my children by staying in the bad but also by leaving the marriage. I knew those two options weren’t the only options and I knew I wanted to do better for my kids and their future.

Slowly as 2025 unfolded, I practiced self care and turned my gaze to God. I was guided to daily meditation and morning walks where I so happen to come across a podcast from one of the courses on the Marriage 365 App that pointed me to Dr. Fisher’s Marriage Podcast. Here he shares the most insightful tools and runs cohorts of students eager to become certified relationship coaches. Who knew that by surrending to God, following the nudges and seeking knowledge would guide me to become a coach and pay it forward. Going through his program has given me the confidence I needed to practice my passion and hopefully reduce divorce rates one marriage at a time.

What I’ve learned about marriage in the 20 years of being with my husband, is that marriage is an adventure that is worth photographing and embracing even if it’s bumpy!

I see marriage as two travelers who chose to devote the rest of their adventures with eachother. Slowly unpacking their baggage from past experiences and finding ways to show empathy and love as they unpack their childhood traumas. That’s why learning the tools for a better marriage is imperative because if you have the right tools, you can unpack one item at a time, instead of everything all at once.

We all know that an organized mess is better than a mess with no direction. I hope that in sharing a little bit about my marriage, you can be inspired to dive deeper into healing. The resources I’ve mentioned are amazing but if you’re stuck, I am here to help you and your spouse unpack your luggage one item at a time. Often times our marriage suffers because of conflict that is left unspoken that later turns into resentment and lack of connection. I can’t wait to share more about our journey and learn about yours.

I hope you dive right into Dr. Fisher’s Marriage Podcast and the Marriage 365 App but if you want to start working with me to unpack your luggage and learn new tools, you can either book my one hour coaching session here or with my husband Anton Bernard at Coach One Love and scroll down to the bottom of the page to book a free 15 minute consultation.

My favorite resource for married couples

When I heard about Marriage365’s mission, I couldn’t believe how much it aligned with what I strive for in my relationship! Marriage365 is a membership to a whole library of content and resources about growing and connecting in your marriage. It focuses on topics like communication, family, self discovery, and everything in between! The content is self-guided, meaning you can learn and explore at your own pace, and the membership comes with two profiles (one for each of you!) so you can both take advantage of the platform without stepping on each other’s watch history.

Hands down though my favorite part of Marriage365 is the challenges, especially the ones that end up opening my eyes to new perspectives! It takes 21 days to create a habit, and the challenges are an easy and fun way to get out of a relationship rut!

I love Marriage365 so much that I’ve even become an ambassador for the membership so that I can offer you a discount to try out the membership too! Receive 50% off your first month when you use the code DECOINK, or by registering with the link below.

Join us in california this October!

We’ll be attending Marriage365’s couples retreat in Irvine California and we’d love to see you there! Check out all of the details for the retreat here.